Dry Hugh

Sunday Worst scribbler Hugh Jordan's many friends in the North are
increasingly concerned about the great man's state-of-health.

Only two months ago, Hugh was hail-fellow-well-met in all the old
familiar places - Nick's Warehouse, The Duke of York and all the rest.

Then, suddenly, he vanished off the face of the earth quicker than you
could say 'Lord Lucan'.

But now all can be revealed.
Hugh's confidential medical records - which have been seen by The
Belfast Bulshitter - show that the self-confessed Stickie bagman is
anything but a well man.

Ignoring all the guff on the first page about Hugh's cholesterol level
and 'BMI' (whatever that is), the killer - literally - is in the last
line: 'BP [blood pressure] 185/121'.
Blood pressure of 185 over 121 is serious stroke terroritory. Hugh's
practice nurse was sufficiently concerned to describe him as "a stroke
waiting to happen".

Hugh's GP goes on to prescribe serious levels of medication: Aspirin
or extended-release dipyridamole and, if that doesn't work, they're
apparently prepared to try something called Clopidogrel or
Ticlopidine.

Plus Hugh's on the dry big-time (hasn't had a drink in eight weeks)
and a diet that doesn't include Nick Price's excellent lunches
(Shame!).

Hugh's many friends wonder whether the recent downturn in his health
could be connected to his upcoming libel action involving former
Harcourt Centre and Sheridan IMAX boss Peter Curistan.

Or could it be the threat of 'extraordinary rendition' on a CIA Boeing
737 via Shannon for his (self-confessed) counterfeiting of the Mighty
Greenback when he was a WP bagman in the 1980s.

Then there is the impending shareholders meeting of Independent News &
Media at which, we are told, wannabe boss Denis O'Brien (shareholding
21 per cent and rising) plans to ask Sir Anthony O'Reilly about the
continued employment of Mr Jordan.

Watch this space (tic, tic, tic . . . )