Our Hugh !!!

Say what you like about sporadic Sunday Worst columnist Hugh Jordan, but he's not short of a brass neck.
Most people who published a book accusing a slain colleague of the brutal murder of a police officer would have given the appearance in court of two men accused of the killing a wide berth. But not our Hugh.Hugh and Worst Northern Editor Jim McDowell were prominent in the press gallery at Lisburn Courthouse last month when two Lurgan men, Neil Hyde, 28, and Nigel Leckey, 43, were charged with the murder of Sunday Worst reporter Martin O'Hagan.
Hugh, of course, waited until after O'Hagan's murder in 2001 to publish his book Milestones in Murder (universally known as 'Milestones in Mistakes' because of the number of factual howlers it contains).
In it, he repeated O'Hagan's well-known conviction for Official IRA weapons offences in the 1970s for which he was jailed for seven years, but then added the (unproven) allegation that he murdered RUC constable George Chambers, a father-of-six, in December 1972 as he delivered Christamas presents to an eight-year-old Lurgan girl, Linda Hughes, who was recovering from a car accident.
Hugh - an ex-Stickie errand-boy himself - had earlier supplied information about the incident in Lurgan's Kilwilkee estate, in which three other RUC constables were injured, to former Sunday Express 'Investigations Editor' Barrie Penrose - O'Hagan's nemesis for much of the previous decade.
Hugh encouraged Penrose to use the information as the basis of a November 2002 article in the right-wing Spectator magazine on condition that he conceal his grubby role in the affair (Penrose's article said Hugh was "reluctant" to elaborate on the allegations in his forthcoming book: "'I stand by what the book states,' says the author, tartly.'").Hugh, who sat opposite O'Hagan in the Worst's Belfast office, had, in fact, been spying for Penrose since filmmaker Sean McPhilemy took almost £500,000 in damages and costs off the Sunday Express for a 1992 article which accused McPhilemy of duping Channel 4 over his controversial documentary The Committee about RUC-loyalist collusion. (O'Hagan had been an adviser on the programme.)Hugh would regularly wait for O'Hagan to leave his desk unattended to trawl his computer files in the hope of uncovering O'Hagan's sources (sadly, for Hugh and the hapless Penrose, without success).
Fine reward, you might think, for O'Hagan taking pity on a shoe-less Hugh when he mysteriously arrived in Belfast from Donegal at the end of the 1980s.
None of which seems to have dented Hugh's (largely invented) reputation - judging by McDowell's forthcoming book, The Mummy's Boys (Gill & Macmillan, €12.99, hurry, hurry), which was the subject of a slavish plug by Des Ekin in the Worst last week.
Though nominally dedicated to "the staff of the Sunday World, who are also my friends", McDowell's book - the sequel to 2001's Godfathers - makes only passing reference to senior staffers such as Northern News Editor Richard O'Sullivan and long-serving reporters Steven Moore and John Cassidy.
Hugh, though, is variously "Hugh Jordan, a friend and Sunday World colleague of mine." (p133), "Hugh Jordan, my colleague in the Sunday World." (p150), "Hugh, originally from Glasgow, spent his childhood holidays in the Gaeltacht. He loves the place. Has written songs about it." (p183), "Hugh filed his report, job well done." (p184), "Hugh had been the first journalist to find, and interview, [IRA double-agent Denis] Donaldson at his Donegal cottage bolthole." (p186), et cetera ad nauseam.
Quite which sector of the Christmas market Fergal Tobin expects to attract with this guff is a mystery; though one passage of eye-watering dishonesty about how nude pictures of the DUP's Sammy Wilson came into the Worst's possession would surely see the author spending the festive season in Crumlin Road were it to be repeated under oath.
McDowell is unapologetic, however; even to the extent of claiming Wilson has the Worst to thank for his promotion to ministerial office in the North's power-sharing Executive. Would that Biffo could count on the same selfless PR assistance in Leinster House!
Hugh's latest errand, meanwhile, lacks the excitement of setting up middle-ranking Shinners for assassination.
The Worst's Belfast solictors, Mills Selig, has a list of impending court cases the length of your arm arising from Hugh's so-called 'exclusives' - starting next month with Daz-clean developer Peter Curistan - which should keep him out of mischief!

Our Hugh !!!

So paranoid has Sunday World scribbler Hugh Jordan become that he has
registered his own name with Google Alerts.
This means that any time anything about Hugh appears on the web, a
message flashes up on his computer to notify him.
Hugh is currently holidaying with his sister and brother-in-law at
their French gite, so this may take a while to filter through. Sorry,
Hugh!
(Hugh's brother-in-law, incidentally, claims to have served with the
Parachute Regiment - a fact I'm sure Hugh is at pains to share with
his many friends in Derry or, er, Londonderry.
Hugh's friends are relieved, though, that he's finally taken some
much-needed time off given the recent state of his health (see
Bullshitters passim).
August may yet prove to be the cruellest month for Hugh, however, as
the libel suit served by former Sheridan IMAX owner Peter Curistan
grinds inexorably towards court. (Hugh is so paranoid about Curistan
that he even lists him in Google Alerts!)
Hugh's French retreat evidently didn't come soon enough, though, as
the fear of exposure on the witness stand prompted him to break the
journalists' cardinal rule.
Yes, gentle reader, regrettably Hugh has revealed his sources.
Journalists - even those on downmarket Sunday tabloids - have
traditionally risked imprisonment rather than reveal confidential
sources of information.
Think Geraldine Kennedy and Colm Keena. Or the Turbine's former
Northern Editor Ed Moloney.
Not for Hugh the clang of the prison gates, however.
Curistan's lawyers haven't even got him on the stand (or should that
be in the dock?) yet and he's already singing like a canary.
First, there's the former Ulster Volunteer Force (UVF) internee in
Long Kesh who concocted the whole nonsense about Curistan, Sinn Fein
treasurer Des Mackin and IRA 'dirty money' in the first place.
(Since Hugh's own paper, the Sunday Worst, had already exposed this
'source' as a pimp, this may not help his credibility.)
Next there's Curistan's former business associate who was caught with
his hand in the cookie jar (Now he should make a good witness).
Then there's the founder of one of Northern Ireland's oldest civil
engineering firms.
And finally, as if that wasn't enough, a member of the House or Lords!
Of course, Hugh's got form for naming names (you can read the
now-notorious 'Jordan memo' in full at
http://www.amiexposed.blogspot.com).
But dragging a 70-year-old Peer of the Realm into court could be the
rock on which Hugh founders.
No prizes for guessing where Hugh will be sending his next postcard
from!
Regional journalis

Dry Hugh

Sunday Worst scribbler Hugh Jordan's many friends in the North are
increasingly concerned about the great man's state-of-health.

Only two months ago, Hugh was hail-fellow-well-met in all the old
familiar places - Nick's Warehouse, The Duke of York and all the rest.

Then, suddenly, he vanished off the face of the earth quicker than you
could say 'Lord Lucan'.

But now all can be revealed.
Hugh's confidential medical records - which have been seen by The
Belfast Bulshitter - show that the self-confessed Stickie bagman is
anything but a well man.

Ignoring all the guff on the first page about Hugh's cholesterol level
and 'BMI' (whatever that is), the killer - literally - is in the last
line: 'BP [blood pressure] 185/121'.
Blood pressure of 185 over 121 is serious stroke terroritory. Hugh's
practice nurse was sufficiently concerned to describe him as "a stroke
waiting to happen".

Hugh's GP goes on to prescribe serious levels of medication: Aspirin
or extended-release dipyridamole and, if that doesn't work, they're
apparently prepared to try something called Clopidogrel or
Ticlopidine.

Plus Hugh's on the dry big-time (hasn't had a drink in eight weeks)
and a diet that doesn't include Nick Price's excellent lunches
(Shame!).

Hugh's many friends wonder whether the recent downturn in his health
could be connected to his upcoming libel action involving former
Harcourt Centre and Sheridan IMAX boss Peter Curistan.

Or could it be the threat of 'extraordinary rendition' on a CIA Boeing
737 via Shannon for his (self-confessed) counterfeiting of the Mighty
Greenback when he was a WP bagman in the 1980s.

Then there is the impending shareholders meeting of Independent News &
Media at which, we are told, wannabe boss Denis O'Brien (shareholding
21 per cent and rising) plans to ask Sir Anthony O'Reilly about the
continued employment of Mr Jordan.

Watch this space (tic, tic, tic . . . )

No Pope Here. ( Martha Pope Affair )

Followers of Hugh Jordan's frequent run-ins with M'Learned Friends
have often puzzled over his role in one of the most outrageous libels
in modern Irish legal history.
Now thanks to respected author and journalist Ed Moloney the true
story of Hugh's part in the notorious 'Martha Pope Affair' can
finally be told.

Pope was a Washington high-flier who was seconded to former US Senator
George Mitchell when he accepted President Bill Clinton's invitation
to act as White House envoy to the North in late 1995.
Then one weekend in December 1996, a sensational front-page story
appeared in Jordan's Sunday Worst, The Sunday Tribune and a British
mid-market tabloid, The Mail on Sunday, alleging that Pope was having
a torrid affair with Sinn Fein's Gerry Kelly, who doubled as the
Provisionals' Adjutant-General, and that Britain's Security Service
had secretly bugged their trysts.
Patently nonsensical rubbish, it led to one of the quickest six-figure
libel payouts in the Worst's history.
(£120,000 paid by the Friday after the story). The Mail on Sunday's
legendary crime correspondent Chester Stern, who unwisely agreed to
share Hugh's 'exclusive', also saw his reputation nosedive
overnight, never to recover.

In a new book, Moloney - a former Northern Editor of both the Turbine
and The Irish Times - reveals that Hugh was in the pocket of DUP
leader Ian Paisley and his deputy Peter Robinson (now the North's
First Minister-in-waiting) and the smear was intended to scupper
Mitchell's peace mission.

Moloney writes:
"The story was clearly ludicrous, but it was too salacious for some
editors to ignore. The author [Moloney] was phoned about the story by
his newsdesk in The Sunday Tribune on the Saturday evening and
strongly advised against using it. But the new editor, Matt Cooper,
showing more confidence in his Sunday World sources, overruled his man
in Belfast and the report appeared the next day. It looked like a
great story, but in reality it was nonsense."
Pope successfully sued, winning fulsome apolgies and substantial
damages in the NEXT edition of the Worst.
Kelly - who bombed London in 1973 and later escaped from the Maze
prison - had little, if any, reputation to defame: he was a notorious
rake and this reputation merely served to make the story more
believable.

Hugh's fatal miscalculation, in his haste to do his masters' bidding,
was to assume Pope fell into the same category: but she was a
sophisticated and experienced Washington operator who once headed the
capitol's police force.

As Moloney, who is now based in New York, adds:
"The notion that these two very different people had enjoyed romantic
weekends together during which Kelly had written Pope love poems was
beyond belief. Suspicions about where the story had come from were
sharpened the day after the reports appeared when Paisley called for
Pope's dismissal and Peter Robinson disclosed that he and Paisley had
discussed the allegations with NI Secretary Sir Patrick Mayhew and
British Prime Minister John Major the previous week."

What Maloney didn't know was that the two people who passed on the
DUP's suspicions directly to the gullible Jordan were a fringe member
of the UK Unionist Party who had DUP associates and a member of the
security service MI5.

(Unfortunately, space didn't permit Moloney to mention Hugh's
previous-largest libel debacle - a fantastic tale involving a disused
Donegal hotel and Derrymen intent on bestial pursuits with the local
livestock. KER-CHING!! Another six-figure payout.)

Meanwhile, the North's Chief Justice, Brian Kerr, last week launched a
devastating attack on the Worst's reputation, branding the paper
"slipshod", "shallow", "utterly reprehensible"
and "grossly irresponsible".

Kerr's barely disguised nod-and-a-wink to his fellow judges means any
of Hugh's future writs will be swiftly settled out of court on the
most generous terms to the plantiff.
Ordinarily, this would be enough to cause Hugh sleepless nights at his
plush Ormeau Road penthouse.
But since the self-confessed counterfeiter faces the prospect of 30
years in a 12x8 cell with a 24-stone crack addict called Bubba, maybe
he's not getting that much shut-eye anyway . . .

Trouble Ahead

Trouble seems to follow Sunday Worst scribbler Hugh Jordan around like
a bad smell.
Not content with landing his paper with an indefensible libel action
involving former Harcourt Centre and Sheridan IMAX boss Peter
Curistan, Hugh now faces a writ . . . from another Sunday Worst
journalist!
Hugh managed to libel former Northern picture editor Alwyn James in
his weakly (sic) column, accusing him of peddling Class-A drugs and
being charged with possession with intent to supply by the RUC.
Not a shred of truth in any of it, of course, and James'
understandable reaction was to threaten to haul Worst editor Colm
MacGinty through the Four Goldmines.
James is a close personal friend of former RUC Chief Constable Ronnie
Flanagan and legal eagles estimate Hugh's outrageous calumny to be
worth 150,000 euro in settlement and any figure you care to name at
trial.
James even suggested to MacGinty that maybe Hugh was a candidate for
the psychiatrist's couch such is his fondness for telling porkies!
Of course, it's not the first time Hugh's been caught out in a lie.
His claim on Ulster Television to have interviewed convicted 'tiger'
kidnapper Paddy Watson behind bars at the North's Maghaberry Prison
was pure invention (he actually paid Watson's wife a large amount of
cash to make up the quotes).
Hugh's fairytales about Curistan's business interests in the North,
meanwhile, could cost the Sunday Worst upwards of 1 million euro in
damages and lawyers' fees.
But Hugh's legal problems pale into insignificance when compared to
the difficulties he faces on the other side of the Atlantic.
The US State Department is currently examining Hugh's admissions that
he was once a key member of a Workers Party conspiracy to defraud the
US Treasury in the 1980s.
State spokesman Gonzo Gallegos (crazy name, crazy guy!) and Channing
Phillips at the US Department of Justice were remaining tight-lipped
this weekend.
But it's understood a former 'comrade' of Hugh's at Gardiner Place
(and long-time resident of the East Coast) is cosying up with federal
prosecutors in exchange for 'regularising' his residency status.
The offences to which Hugh has confessed (in the infamous 'Jordan
memo') carry a maximum sentence of 30-to-life at Leavenworth Federal
Prison in leafy Leavenworth, Kansas, where no-one fights over the soap
in the showers!
As they say in his native Glasgow, it seems Hugh is well-and-truly
'Donald Ducked' this time!

THE WORRIED MAN

Self-confessed counterfeiter Hugh Jordan is a very worried man this
weekend.
Legal sources in Belfast estimate that damages in developer Peter
Curistan's libel action against the Sunday World could top the
€900,000 the paper had to fork out to criminal and tax-dodger Martin
McDonagh.
Worst managing director Gerry Lennon was horrified when he discovered
that libel payouts for Hugh's fairytales have already cost the paper a
hefty seven-figure sum.
He was even more horrified however when paper owner Sir Anthony
O'Reilly called Dublin HQ from his holiday in France to find out 'what
the hell is going on with this man Jordan'.
Another mega libel payout and even Hugh's legendary brown-nosing of
Lennon and Worst editor Colm MacGinty won't save him.
So anxious is Hugh to avoid this unpleasant eventuality that he has
taken to pumping disgruntled former employees of Curistan's Sheridan
Group for non-existent 'dirt' on the developer.
Unwisely, though, Hugh chose to do so over lunch recently in full
earshot of diners at nearby tables. Walls have ears, Hugh!
Hugh, who has assets worth £1.5M (not bad for a guy on a salary of
£52K) should realise that he's wasting his time digging for dirt at
The Odyssey and The Tannery building and who bought apartments there
and for how much. The same goes for IIR agreements and all the rest.
For, as any fool knows, Curistan is squeaky clean - as PSNI deputy
chief constable Paul Leighton has acknowledged. Even Government
lawyers told a High Court judge that claims he was involved with Provo
"dirty money" were "baseless", "unfounded" and "ill-judged".
Hugh, of course, knows all about "dirty money" having admitted
counterfeiting American dollars for the Workers Party and acting as a
bagman for WP robbers, before reinventing himself as a scourge of
republicans in the now-notorious 'Jordan memo'.
Hugh (d.o.b 31/5/51) recently wrote in his paper: "Every criminal in
Northern Ireland reads the Sunday World."
It would appear that at least one of them works there, too.
The bean-counters at Talbot Towers HQ of the Sunday World should
prepare to write out another huge cheque in the not-too-distant future
. . .
It seems Hugh is finally finally finally running out of friends.
Isn't that right Sir Anthony?

The Big Spoof.

Sunday World 'journalist' Hugh Jordan's 'exclusive' about convicted 'Tiger' kidnapper Paddy Watson. In it he boasts of having "gone behind bars" to get the story. Leaving aside whether Jordan belongs behind bars with Watson THIS DID NOT TAKE PLACE (as HMP Maghaberry's visitor logs will show). Watson has never met or even spoken to Jordan. It was done on the phone with Watson's wife (who was paid £500 contrary to the assertion in the story that no money changed hands). If the US Treasury and State departments do not have the wherewithal to prosecute Jordan for counterfeiting the mighty Greenback, surely UTV, the Advertising Standards Commission, Press Complaints Commission or Oftel should investigate this outrageous and cynical misrepresentation.